Unreal Tournament Got Me into College

I was worried after I failed the SAT tests thanks to Unreal Tournament. Mind you, most colleges have an open mind about this sorta thing. I went for my first admissions interview -- walked through the grassy meadow outside the old main where the co-eds played frisbee, past the flowering shrubs, and into the warm heart of a vine-covered brick building. It smelled like academia. I was nervous, maybe shaking a little. I saw that the center of the building had a two-story rotunda, the perfect place to camp with an ASMD rifle.

Inside the Dean's office it smelled of leather and musty pages. I sat in a stuffed seat and faced him across his big desk. He spun slowly in place -- the guy was maybe in his 30s, young for a dean. I gulped.

"Now Mr. Jackson," he said, rifling my papers. He spoke slowly, chocolately, like the agent from the Matrix. "It says here that you didn't complete your SAT exams. What's the story there?"

He stared at me with grey-green eyes, sharp eyes. I swear he burrowed right into my brain. I couldn't lie to him. "Sir I uh ... " silence hung in the air. "I ... I stood up during the exam and yelled that I was GODLIKE."

He nodded, slowly. "Godlike," he repeated.

I hung my head.

"You mean like in Unreal Tournament?" he asked.

My face snapped up to meet his. "YEAH!" I said, pointing. "Exactly."

"And are you?"

"Am I ... Godlike? You mean, in Math, or in Unreal Tournament?"


"Not really, sir, uh. To be perfectly honest. In math it's more like ... more like m-m-m-multikill! But at Unreal? --" And here I totally lost it. I leapt to my feet. "GOODDDLLIIKKEE!"

He whipped his monitor around. "Bring it!" he cried, firing up the game.

I beat him 20-14 and got in with an honors scholarship.

Victim Pic Small

Heh. I spanked that bitch DOWN.

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