Look Out! He's Using the Big Mouse!

Watch it! He's busting out with the big mouse! I don't know where he found that freakish thing, or what sort of deformed behemouth it was ergonomically designed for, but no ordinary pressboard computer desk could hope to contain its weight!

Careful, now he's plugging it in. It requires two USB ports and has four individual mouse balls which, depending on the curvature of the earth, may rotate at different intervals or, dare I say, operate within completely separate time zones!

Hold on, its gargantuan enormity is blotting out the light. Ten manhole-sized buttons encircle about its rear face, one four each finger of the two hands used to push it from one location to another!

During periods of intense sunspot activity, the sheer ebony-black surface of the titanic artifact begins to reverberate with a mysterious internal energy.

I'd watch out if I were you! Anyone who throws down with a mouse like that means business.

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Wait, stay still. From the humming surface a single jet black portal is opening, and from within an ominous white light glows!

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