In a fit of rage I went over the deep end and cut our apartment's DSL connection! The moment I did so, my roommate -- who was playing Day of Defeat as though Eisenhower had personally commanded him to do so -- collapsed to the floor in a wailing, screeching mess. He clawed at his eyes and said he was melting.

I told him he was being a baby and that he was overreacting. I kicked him out of the way and said, "Since you're done playing, lemme check my email." Well, I sat down, and then it hit me that I couldn't check my email. I had no Internet connection. My first instinct was to send an instant message to all of my friends to let them know why I wasn't online. I clicked on my instant messenger program, but the little spinning wheel icon indicated it couldn't connect. The true, insidious horror of this catastrophe finally presented itself to me! I broke out in a cold sweat and took immediate action. I tried to pinch the DSL wires together but it was no good. In a panic, I opened my web browser to go to my ISP's homepage where I could submit a service request. But the web page wouldn't come up. I was going to have to call their tech support with a land line. I picked up my phone and turned to my computer to look up their phone number on their web page ... BUT WAIT! THERE WAS NO "WORLD-WIDE WEB" IN THIS MAN-MADE HELL ON EARTH!

I slid off the chair onto my knees. "What have I done!" I cried. The tears began to flow. I was ... a non person! From the floor I grabbed my roommate's shirt and began shaking him, sobbing. "What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?" I wailed.

By this time he had regained his composure. He straightened up, wiped his face, and peered down at me with authority. In slow, measured tones, he spoke: "I ... am going ... to clean the refridgerator." And with that he stalked off to the kitchen.

...What have we become?