No, I'm afraid I cannot allow you to inspect the contents of this case. But, please run my identification past our supervisor, he's expecting me on this flight. The contents of this briefcase are vital to national security.

You understand that the American people must believe that the 'Punkbuster' anti-cheating program for Half-Life is absolutely secure against wall-hacking, speed cheating, and other forms of unfair online play. They have to believe in the security and flawlessness of the system.

Contained in this briefcase, however, is an aimbot, wallhack, and speed cheating system absolutely secure from Punkbuster detection. You can imagine the dangers if these cheats fell into the wrong hands. Teams would be unbalanced. Netplay would be in jeopardy. A small group of terrorists could totally own the U.S. or any other democratic government. Not to mention a complete breakdown of the social order -- hundreds of thousands of gamers off of their computers and onto the streets for looting and rioting in the wake of the online chaos.

No miss, I can't let that happen. I've been ordered to deliver these cheats straight to the white house, where the President himself has demanded an opportunity to see them in action. He wants to be told how they work, then he demanded to be left alone with the cheats as well as a high-speed net connection and a souped-up PC while he decides on a proper course of action. I'm sure our man Dubya will do the right thing.