Son, c'mere and sit right here. I'd like to talk to you about something important. Sometimes, when mommy and daddy are alone in the bedroom at night making a lot of noise, we're playing games on the LAN. That's right. We play Quake, Unreal, Half-Life, Tribes, you name it.

Someday you'll get a little older and you'll understand, it's not all about Deathmatch. Sometimes you gotta play as a team. Like mom and I do.

Now, understand son, when a man loves his base -- and he loves it very, very, much -- he starts to settle down and "play dee." That means he guards the flag. You know, he sorta builds a little nest, maybe scatters some mines or pipe bombs or turrets, and he starts to call a base his own. He doesn't go around trying to cap any flag that starts waving in front of him around the map, you know what I mean? And he gets really jealous about his base, you understand -- he doesn't like any other guys, uh, you know ... getting into his base.

Well, I don't expect you to understand all this now, but when you're a little older you'll start to see. Someday you'll find a base you really, really like and you'll decide it's time to stay in one flag room and 'hold the fort.' Right, got that? Good, now, you run along and deathmatch. And don't knock on the bedroom door when mom and I are camping, capice? That's my little tuff-guy, go get 'em.

[Victim idea submitted by GameSpy Forum Regular Some1els.]