Heya Hank. 'Sup? No no, just gettin' the lawn ready for Fourth of July and all. Was that you we saw on the server last night playing under the name 'Taco Jackass?' Well, yeah, the name kinda had you written all over it.

Yeah, that was my wife up there sniping for the blue team. Oh, tell me about it. She laid waste to more reds than the war in Afghanistan.

No, no man. I wasn't embarrassed, you know, just because everyone called her a hero and asked her to join their clans. I'm cool with that. A lot of guys my age, they're like, "A woman's place is barefoot in the flag room with a proximity mine launcher" but I consider this a pretty liberated family, and if my wife wants to get up there and kick enough butt to make a butt-salad the size of Philadelphia then hey. I'm cool with that. Really.

But you understand -- I still run the flag in this family. I mean, a man's got his business, that never changes. Know what I'm saying? She might have been at the top of the frag count, yah. Accused of being a bot, yah. Uh, revered on fan pages across the web including one in a language I don't recognize with her picture painted on velvet, sure sure. She can have that. But I'm the one out there bringing home the flags. That's all I'm sayin'.

[Victim idea submitted by Frank "5Iron" Rogan.]