Hello, game producers! I have a collection of some 50-odd games from the last three years and, back in the day, it was easy to keep them neatly categorized on my color-coded shelving units. But no, you a-holes have to go and try to screw things up.

Like Deus Ex. What do you call that? First-Person-Shooter-Adeventure-RPG? You guys are dicks. I had to buy three copies just to get it filed in all the right places.

Leave my genres alone!

I'm a firm believer in absolute segregation. What the crap are they trying to pull with WarCraft III? Get your frickin' RPG out the hell of my realtime strategy. I don't want orcs who get better at stuff, I have a shelf over here for people who get better at stuff. THIS shelf if for clicking on my barracks until I have enough people with guns to shoot all of the other people with guns. Don't you see the plastic label?

I almost had an aneurism when I picked up Black & White. You pompous British game developmer freaks are messing up my action. What was this, strategy? RTS? God-game? Sim-builder? Thank God I had a special shelf already set aside for "high concept video games that played like crap," so far containing only Battlecruiser 2000. I dodged a bullet with that one.

But if one more freak announces that they're going "massively multiplayer" and "adding RPG elements" to a "classic forumla" I'm gonna shove a shelf up your collective rumps.

[Victim Idea submitted by GameSpy reader Dan McAloon, who rocks for sending me free stuff.]