I'm glad we can finally get this out onto the table. Ever since I moved into the cubicle across from yours and surrounded it with an inpeniterable tent of army-surplus camouflage netting, you've constantly tried to crane your neck over the divider to see what I've been working on. Yes, without fail I've been logged into Asheron's Call, "working" on my Level 36 mage.

I don't want to give you the impression that I somehow 'lucked out' or 'breezed into' this job. Au Contraire. I created this situation for myself using careful career maneuvering and months of planning. I studied your pathetic corporate structure like the Twink I am, plotting and scheming over Jolt Cola and coffee each and every day, every time I was given another droll assignment.

But three weeks ago I was promoted -- or perhaps we can say laterally advanced -- or more accurately demoted -- down to your stinkhole next to the mailroom, and cleverly pointed out to my superiors the importance of maintaining two mission-critical computer systems that you and I both know require at most 30 minutes of maintenance a week. I also made sure that the organizational chart reflected that I was under the authority of both Kramden and Dobbs, as well as being the primary assistant to a position that has not yet been filled. Everyone simply assumes that I'm working hard for somebody ELSE, and I put in tons of late hours to prove it. I'm flying under the corporate radar like a modern day stealth bomber.

Whenever they drag my stinking corpse into one of their inane manager meetings, I always scurry in moments before it starts, purposefully unkempt. Then I arrange for my pager to go off several minutes into the meeting, and I mumble something about the servers and rush frantically out of the room.

If I time it right, I'm in and out of the meeting before my Asheron's Call character is logged out due to inactivity. I'm that good.