Okay, to be fair, I can't claim that this solid two-pound brick of Velveeta cheese is the only edible thing in the house. I did a thorough search and made a list in between games of F-Zero. Here goes:

We have one solid, untouched brick of Velveeta Cheese. We have one bag of microwave popcorn (though the microwave hasn't worked since I paid Joey five bucks to put a dozen eggs in there). We have half a package of Lipton Cup-A-Soup I discovered between Charlie's mattresses. There are enough broken ramen noodles on the second shelf of the pantry that, when scraped together, may comprise of an entire package's worth (minues the flavoring.) We have one small can of what I believe is tuna, although the label peeled off after the flood. We have a third of a bottle of ketchup and half a case of Moose Head beer. I was excited earlier to find almost a full cupful of frozen peas in the freezer but later it was dertermined that they were not, after all, peas. We also have a full tube of toothpaste -- not sure of its nutritional value.

Well, roommates, as I see it the Velveeta brick is clearly going to be our "staple" food. We're just gonna have to, as they say, 'go for it.'

So who's first? C'mon Stan. I figure we each take a bite and pass it around, then wrap the rest up for lunch tommorow. Just do it. It goes down easier if you just go for it in one big gulp. Okay, fine, go hungry. Joey, you're up. You want some ketchup? Maybe beer for a chaser? ATTABOY! Now quick, hand it here, I'm starved.