Hey kids, yeah, could you put the Tony Hawk Pro Skater game down for a second? Hello? Hello Papa talking, papa unhappy, 'kay?

I just went for a dip in the pool and found myself, instead, sliding down a slick cement indentation in the gound that -- all but for a couple stagnant puddles -- was completely and indisputably devoid of water. When I left you guys alone on Friday for the weekend, our swimming pool was just that -- a pool. Of water. Today it is a hole. Filled with ... nothing.

On closer inspection I discovered a myriad of four-wheeled tracks leading back and forth over the cement around the puddles. The edge of the pool, which once consisted of expensive Catalina tile, now consists of a pockmarked ring of devastation. The kind left behind when someone, say, attempts to "bust" a "mean" "grind." Shortly before possibly "catching" some "big air." Are you following me?

I mean, there's a connection here, and I think you guys can help me put this together, am I right? Hopefully you have a plausible explanation for the pool situation, or lack thereof. If not, before putting my pants back on, I'm going to remove the belt and apply it to you guys in a "whooping" that -- should the neighbors hear -- will most certainly result in police intervention, 'kay?