Hi all! It's me, Freddy. Ever since GameSpy Arcade started offering voice chat in the dedicated chat rooms, neither my roommate nor I have been without a date for a week.

Of course, we share a single PC microphone, so I've had to extend my pre-PC-gaming cleansing ritual. Used to be that I would wash and scrub my hands and trim and clean under my fingernails to keep our mouse and keyboard squeaky clean. But now I've got to consider oral Hygiene as well! That means brushing, flossing, and mouthwash before I step up to the mic. I also wash my hair and clean my ears using alcohol and cotton swabs, in case I should use the headphones.

If only I could convince my roommate to do the same. He has no pre-PC-use cleansing ritual. Yesterday morning I found him eating a piece of chocolate cake at the keyboard -- no plate -- no fork!! Just ... eating cake! Then he wiped his mouth WITH HIS MOUSE HAND! I started screaming and throwing pillows. I pointed to a schmear of chocolate icing on the mouse button and called him Satan.

Things came to a head yesterday evening. I had just finished waxing my facial pores and was finally ready for some good ol' Internet chat with the hotties. I put on the headphones and adjusted the microphone, and it smelled like KIELBASA! I actually passed out.