Pardon the all-staff mailing, but I'd like to address the recent Salmon Jerky problem. Matters were brought to a head this morning when I reached into the bowl of M&Ms on Jenn's desk, and discovered that buried under a thin layer of chocolatey goodness was nothing but handful after handful of Salmon Jerky. I'm not fooled, and I don't think our shareholders are, either.

I first noticed the problem shortly after we acquired PrizeWire.com. That week you recall we unloaded an enormous moving truck full of big brown cartons from them, storing the boxes throughout the first floor. I, personally, opened the first carton off of the truck and verified that it was a desktop PC. I assumed the others were. However, it has come to my attention that the first box was merely a feint, and it is my belief that the giant truck was filled almost exclusively with Salmon Jerky -- even to the point of stuffing the glove compartment.

Last week, when the "revised" employee orientation packets were passed out to the entire staff? I noted that they were the exact same packets as last year, except this time there was a bag of Salmon Jerky stapled to each and every one.

When I ordered sandwiches for the weekly accounting staff meeting, I discovered that our regular potato chips had been substituted with a two-foot-high mound of Salmon Jerky that had been warmed in the microwave.

Two days ago I retrieved my leftover lunch from the fridge only to discover that someone had opened the container and added chopped Salmon Jerky to my potato salad.

Yesterday I saw Janet slowly feeding Salmon Jerky to Crenshaw while he slept at his desk.

This morning there were chunks of something foreign floating in my coffee. That's right. Salmon Jerky. Big rubbery chunks. Floating. In my coffee.

Is there something about this acquisition that you're not telling us?