Dude, just give me the keys!

I've read the reports and listened to the Senate hearings about how violent video games cause violence, and you and I know that that is a bunch of garbage. There is absolutely no connection between what you play on the screen and what you may do in real life.

Or so I thought.

But after my latest six-hour Crazy Taxi binge on the Dreamcast, I find that I can no longer fight the incredible urge to drive like a freak-ass maniac and peel rubber all the way from my carport to the nearest Kentucky Fried Chicken.

I have complete confidence that I can make my '79 Volkswagen Scirocco flip doughnuts while sailing through the air above Harbor Boulevard.

So just drop the keys on the table and back away slowly! I mean it this time. That's it. Slowly. Sloooowly. Step back... *twitch* Clear a path to the front door...

BECAUSE I HAVE TEN CRAZY MINUTES!