Hello, subcreature. What's that you've got in there? GeForce 2? Oh no -- a TNT 2? Good God, it is like the pitious cunieform scribblings of a prepubescent society clinging desperately to solid land lest they slip haplessly back into the goo from whence they evolved. Oh, sorry, don't take that personally.

See, I myself have recently installed a GeForce 3. Not available yet, you say? You just don't know the right people at nVidia. Of course, what I have is actually a pre-production alpha unit that's two foot long and must be cooled by suspending it above a styrofoam vat of liquid nitrogen, but the loss of a finger here or there is a small price to pay for progress.

FACT: I can run the SETI@Home project AND Shiny's Sacrifice at the same time! For reasons self-explanatory, of course. SETI@Home allows me to continue mankind's search for extraterrestrial intelligence at rates heretofore impossible even with a supercomputer, while at the same time Sacrifice's graphics are so white hot they're actually widening my scrotal arteries.

Sorry to trouble you, I was just here to see if you had a motherboard capable of mounting a Pentium 5.

[Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader Janus Kirin]