By the power of mutha[censored]Greyskull, when will my [censored] Tiger ever learn that it's supposed to EAT the [censored] villagers? FOR THE LOVE OF ME!

The game is called Black and White, but in the case of my dumbass Tiger, they should call it Black and Stupid. You get to raise these little pipsqueak creatures to do your bidding, right? When Cringer was a cub I caught him eating my prized livestock, so, you know, I gave him the thrashing of his [censored]ing life. I rained down the smack like Iraq. If this game had a choke hold, I woulda used it.

Anyways, the little [censored] was scarred for life. For instance, one time he was hungry so I handed him a big fat pig, and he just patted it softly on the head and then set it gently on the ground. And he won't even go near the cows -- runs away screaming and hides on the other side of the lake like a pussy. (Although, I guess, technically he is.) All he eats is grain. That's right.

I GOT A [censored]ING VEGETARIAN TIGER!

Yeah, lots of fun in a fight, you know, having the Tiger on your side politely requesting a [censored] veggieburger. One time I picked him up and threw his scrawny ass into the enemy village. "KILL!" I ordered him, waving my finger frantically across the screen. "MAIM! CRUSH! DESTROY! CHEW! DEFACE! SWALLOW! RAZE! PUT THE KIBOSH ON THOSE BITCHES!"

He then proceeded to pick up a small enemy child and reunite it with its weeping mother.

SON OF A FAT BITCH!

[Daily Victim idea Inspired by Orange Coke in the PlanetBlackAndWhite Forums]