You'd best be all backing slowly up and puttin' down the chairs and golf clubs, right? 'Cuz this baby is a Swingline, and I've shot a staple a good thirty feet with this puppy. So ... we're going to chill, am I right?

I can see you were all a little upset with my latest cost-saving measure, but have you seen the papers lately? That's right, everyone's going out of business. And small companies like ours just can't afford all those luxuries, particularly the Internet.

[There's a rush of bodies and the sound of a stapler firing -- people drop to the floor, howling...]

BACK OFF! BACK OFF or I'll plug another! All I did was terminate our office dual-T1 connection. We still have Internet, just not broadband. Two 56K modems should be plenty of bandwidth for a 200-person Internet consultation firm.

None of you jackasses even noticed the change until this afternoon at 5:00 when you all tried to fire up your nightly Tribes games! Ha ha ha -- WHOA

[Transcript dissolves into sound of furniture flying, staples slamming into drywall, the trample of footsteps, screaming and mayhem.]