First they give me some static about my cell phone, they made me turn it on and show them it worked and everything. Next, the frisking. What's with the frisking? I'd already claimed all my knives and guns, so I don't get what they expected to find.

My PC was the next thing they searched. They even made me open the case. Then I had to plug it in and turn it on. Thank God they didn't notice I'd forged my Half-Life CD key.

The final straw was when someone casually brought up the fact that I was handcuffed to a reptile. Finally, I mean, I just blew up right then and there. "Any country that has ISSUES with a citizen handcuffed to an endangered Greater Guatemalan Horny Tongue Lizard doesn't deserve a man like me!" I cried. I walked right back over to Canada without another word.