Well, yeah, I think it's cool that you want to see more of me and all, but you know, before you and I get too serious as a couple, I think there's something you should know about me.

I'm the Naked Guy.

See, at least four nights a week I log into Asheron's Call stark naked. Well, not naked in real life -- although sometimes I'm in my PJs -- no no, naked in the game. See, I have this character, he's already level 45, and he's pretty much buck nude. Big red boots, big red gloves, and a loincloth. He's a hand-to-hand fighter, he's very popular.

Almost too popular, and that's the problem. See, a bunch of fighters will be duking it out with a granite golem, and they'll be decked out and in full armor with shadow shields and atlan weapons, and suddenly this naked guy comes charging into the caverns, screaming -- "NUUUUUUUDDDDDYY!!!" -- and he starts fighting toe-to-toe. But my melee defense is so good, I survive the fight. Soon the legend spread.

My popularity online as the Naked Guy is beginning to fray my nerves. It's like I can't have a normal life anymore.

I'll log in and soon I'll be mobbed by people who want to have their picture taken with the naked guy. They want to group with me and take off their clothes so we could get experience together. Invariably they all die without their armor, which leaves me in a bit of a pinch. People want to know when I'm going to log on, and when I do, they flock to me as gulls on the beach attack a stray french fry.

I long for the days where I could log in and stroll into town buck-naked without anyone noticing! But those times have long since past. I have responsibilities now -- responsibilities to my fans. I'm the naked guy. I AM THE NAKED GUY.

That is all.

[Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader Fenix. Based on a true story. I think.]