Hi kids! I'm the Gaming Gigabuys Software Giga-Bear! Welcome to our giga-grand opening. Looking for the latest and greatest of great big gobs of giga-gaming fun? C'mon down to Metro Pointe Mall! Be sure to bring a gun to put an end to my miserable giga-got-damned existence.

Well, hello Tommy. Looking for a Digimon cheat guide? I'm sorry, we're all sold out. Ha no, that's a lie, I tossed them in the dumpster. You know why, you little punk? 'cuz pissants like you whine and beg until daddy buys you a $50 game, then you whine and beg to get the $12 strategy guide, so that you can beat the $50 game in an afternoon, and then you don't want to play anymore, and you wasted all of my got-damned time, and all of my got-damned money, so then I gotta take a job at retail in a fuzzy bear suit to make the alimony payments. Go home! Little shit.

Hello hello! We've got Giga-Great deals here at Gaming Giga-buys! Counter-Strike is %20 off. Of course, if you buy Half-Life and download CS for free, you get twice the game for half the money. You know who gets the shaft when you do that, kids? I DO, the gaming gagabear, why not just bend me over this discount software bin and sodomize me? Any takers?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Come here, did I mention we've got Barbie Fashion Designer? Did I mention that I was a classically trained actor? I played Horatio in the 1986 Pittsburgh Playhouse production of Hamlet. Now what do I do? I hock copies of Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Fifteen years ago the Prince of Denmark was telling me about how well he knew Yorick. Now I got Benny from the Whattapretzel stand across the way telling me how he just evolved his fucking Jigglypuff. SOMEONE PLEASE PUT A BULLET IN MY GIGA-HEAD! Thank you.